Living With A Mental Health Problem

We all know someone that has or is suffering from a mental health problem. In fact, it is estimated that 792 million people worldwide have a mental health problem. So if you are one of them, remember you are not alone. The whole point of this mental health blog is to bring people together. I wish to achieve that by being open and honest with you all about my own mental health struggles in the hope that it will help somebody else out there who suffers. So hello to anyone that doesn't know me or this is the first time reading my writing. If you want to know more about me, then please feel free to contact me or look on my home page for more information.

Mental Health & Me

It has definitely been a long and tiring journey for me in life. Mental health is a daily struggle and I honestly cannot think of a single day in my life where I have felt 'normal' or happy. It all started at a very young age for me. I remember being no younger than 10 when I realised something was seriously wrong. It turned out that what I was experiencing was severe depression. At the time, I thought I was just fed up with school and the constant bullying and all the personal issues I had going on which I would rather not go in to (really personal things that hardly anybody knows I went through.) But when I was a mid teenager and my mental health just wasn't improving, I began to realise that it wasn't just something that I would grow out of. I also realised that I constantly felt extremely anxious to go out into the world, to speak to new people, to do anything in fact. That is when I knew I had anxiety. It went on for years and ruined my life (yes, my whole life.) I didn't have a childhood or a teenage hood over it as I was too busy suffering.

I went into survival mode. Everything became about just crawling through the day and surviving. I didn't enjoy anything that I did and I was constantly miserable and anxious. It put a toll on all my friendships and made me fall out with family members. Nothing improved at all until I was 17 and decided to have counselling. It helped me to deal with my past and I soon realised that I was also suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder without even realising. The counselling from the amazing talking shop helped me to overcome my past and concentrate on my present. Unfortunately, as I was only allowed 10 sessions, it didn't help me for long and I was soon back on a downward spiral the minute I didn't have any support. I have been on fluoxetine (depression tablets) but they didn't do anything for me. I have been on propranolol for anxiety for a few years and it does sometimes help with the physical symptoms but it doesn't stop my constant panic attacks or feeling anxious. I am also waiting to see a psychiatrist as they are unsure whether I also have bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder.

The Stigma VS Reality

Something that always creeps up on me about battling with so many mental health problems at once is the stigma. People make assumptions about you and use stereotypes to define you but most of the time they have no idea how you feel. The stigma of depression is that if you have it, you are constantly lazy. When in reality you just lack motivation and even getting out of bed feels like a big achievement to you. They say you are unreliable because you cancel plans and don't always turn into work. But in reality, you keep trying to force yourself to go into work but you can never seem to make it out of the door because the cloud of gloom hangs over you. The common stigma behind anxiety is that having anxiety is a sign of weakness. It means you don't have the self motivation to make yourself do things that others can, making you weak. The reality of this illness is that you overthink situations that much in your head that the only possible outcome of anything must always be the worst case scenario and you are far from weak, you are strong for dealing with it daily. The stigma of bipolar disorder is that the person is 'crazy' and incapable of leaving an independent life. This is mainly due to the film industry portraying individuals like this.

It is always important to remember that stigmas are JUST stereotypes. Although it is extremely difficult to put them out of your mind, they are not as important as you think. Some people even choose to hide their mental illnesses because they have a fear that they will be judged by society in the same way as the stigmas. In a way, we are lucky that mental health is finally starting to get the recognition that it deserves. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health!

What is living with a mental illness like?

In this blog post, I will start by describing what it is like to live with the most common one that I know; depression. It has affected so many people in my life, most people that I know have it in fact. The best way that I have ever described the mind of someone with depression is a mental health awareness post on Facebook. It was aimed at depression and anxiety, but I feel it fits for any mental illness where you feel trapped and alone. Here is what it said:

A lot of people ask me what living with several mental illnesses feel like. But in person, I can never think of the words to say to help them to imagine what it's really like. But as I'm a writer, I'm going to try and describe it for you now through writing. I'm sorry if the reality of it and reading this makes you feel uncomfortable, but just remember we have to live with it all DAILY. Here goes:

You are locked in a tiny pitch black room all alone. There are no windows, no fresh air to breath in. The dust fills your lungs and stops you from breathing properly. Your loved ones keep knocking on the barricade of a door. They are screaming your name telling you to get off the floor, walk out of the room, be happy and get on with your life. But you can't. You can hardly even move. There is a huge part of you wanting to get to them, to crawl if you have to but the darkness takes over and doesn't allow you to take your goals any further.

You feel a ton of negative emotions hit you at once. You are scared that you may never escape the room that you find yourself locked in. You are anxious that your loved ones at the door are constantly judging you for not trying hard enough.

You are worried that being locked in their too long will eventually kill you or damage you so badly that you'll never be the same again. You feel saddened when you see your loved ones having a good time through the glass door sometimes, knowing there is no way on Earth that you could join them or ever be that happy.

You even feel jealous that people are happily living their lives whilst you're stuck in a tiny room with no air just managing to stay alive. You're surviving but only just. You may find yourself in that room for just a few months. Some may be there for years or even their whole lives. That room is our mind. We are stuck there. The only break we get is sleep which is why we tend to sleep more than everyone else. Be kind and patient with us. Some of us still have hopes that one day we can make it out of that room.

-Tiffany Hepworth

As this is my first mental health awareness post, I will leave it there. Thank you to all of my loyal readers for taking the time to read this. I will take requests on what YOU would like to hear from my mental health blog posts. It can be anything that may help you. You can also ask any questions in the comment box at the bottom of this page. If you found this helpful, please share with any friends and family who may also benefit from this post. I am doing this to share my experiences with other sufferers in the hope that it will help someone! Please be aware that I am ALWAYS here to support anybody, stranger or friend if they ever want to talk. Thank you! Together, we can raise mental health awareness!