Introduction:
Christmas has always traditionally been a time of joy, laughter, happiness and good spirit. But what about people that simply cannot live up to those high expectations? Yes, nobody is forcing people to act a certain way but the pressure is immense. We hear it all the time and see it everywhere we go. People preparing for Christmas day, getting excited, laughing and joking, telling people to cheer up and be merry. People are even said to be spoiling things if they're not smiling through the whole day. Why is this? Why are emotions and feelings suddenly not considered when Christmas time comes? People get excited for Christmas and that is normal but should people that dread Christmas really be punished instead? I'm going to explain to you how this time of year can badly affect people with mental health conditions.
Not everything stops for Christmas…
Yes, some people are lucky enough to not work at Christmas and get a well earned break. It seems that everything comes to a stand still when Christmas comes around and the only thing that matters is spending time with family, buying and giving gifts and making sure the Christmas dinner is ready. But for people who suffer, there is no break. Unfortunately, our minds don't just switch off because we have something to celebrate. It's not a button we can switch off and say to ourselves “go away bad thoughts, come back on boxing day when I've had chance to celebrate Christmas!” Although we wish it worked like that, it doesn't. We suffer all day everyday, no matter the time of year. And one of the biggest problems we face is people not realising that and expecting us to join in the fun like everyone else. Sometimes, it just helps us to know that there's no pressure to have a good day or try to be happy for others because just getting through the day is a challenge enough for us.
What can you do to help?
Our mental health is our own responsibility, that much is true. But having our environment affect us as well as our own minds can be overwhelming, so what people say and do around us has a massive impact on our thoughts and moods. On special occasions like Christmas, the best thing you can do to help is firstly, not treat us any differently just because we have mental health conditions. We still want to be included and at least try to have a good time. Secondly, checking in on us quietly when you get the chance can go a long way. Just knowing someone is there trying to make us feel more comfortable and that someone cares about how we feel really helps. You need to take care of yourself too. Christmas is a stressful time for anyone, so remember you matter too. Everyone matters, whether you have mental health conditions or not.
Preparing for Christmas:
Preparing for Christmas is stressful for most people at the best of times, but for people who are sensitive to stress because of mental health issues, it can feel extremely overwhelming to cope with. But sometimes, we can feel forced to get into the “Christmas spirit” and we have to force ourselves to do things such as go Christmas shopping, wrap gifts, decorate the tree etc. People usually enjoy these festive activities but people that suffer daily see it as just another thing we have to do. It can get pressurising and overwhelming very quickly. We try our best to put up a front and just get on with things but most of the time, we don't cope well with this time of year of most big events. We just have to as we have no choice. Pressures from the outside world combined with a lot of negativity going on in our heads ends up being a devastating combination. We may keep mentioning that we are “not in the Christmas spirit this year” or that we “can't be bothered with the hassle” and that's our subtle way of saying we're drowning in everything around us and we need someone to listen to us and reassure us from time to time.
What is it really like at Christmas for people like me?
In my life particularly, I go to a lot of effort to make sure everyone around me enjoys Christmas day and the lead up to Christmas. I have created a new family tradition for the past 5 years where we have a Christmas Eve buffet, play games, watch films and have a good laugh. I even go to the effort of wearing Christmas themed clothes, headbands and jewellery. Not many people know that I struggle during the festive season as on the exterior, I am smiling, laughing, joking and seemingly having a good time just like everyone else. There may be a very small part of me that is having a good time but it is always overpowered by dissociation, negative thoughts, excessive worrying, pressure and the list goes on. Nobody sees what is going on underneath because I don't let them, I always feel like a burden. This is probably the same feeling that most people with mental health issues have to deal with on special events. You want to relax, wind down and have a good time and let your mind rest for once but it is impossible, no matter how hard you try. But the most important thing is that we don't give up. We keep trying to relax and enjoy ourselves but it never works out that way. So when you see someone who suffers like me laughing and smiling, try to consider what we are really thinking and feeling on the inside.
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