Symptoms of BPD. What is it?
The picture diagram above gives the most common symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It can make people be impulsive. It can make people have an unstable self image to the point where they will never truly understand who they really are. It makes people compassionate to a fault where they feel everything so deeply that it hurts and you hate feeling anything because it hurts a lot more than it should. It also makes people have extreme mood swings which can either change constantly throughout the day or change every few days. These are just some of the common symptoms. Please refer to the diagram above for more or feel free to ask questions in the comment box about any other traits of BPD.
What is my goal here?
I have been seeing a lot of negativity surrounding BPD just lately. We have always faced tons of stigmas about how we are ‘too unstable’ and unable to function like ‘normal’ people. But with a recent celebrity abuser being diagnosed with BPD, it has brought even more hate towards us. The first thing to be made clear about this issue in particular is that if anyone ever uses BPD as an excuse to abuse someone, THEY ARE IN THE WRONG. A mental illness such as BPD should never be used as an excuse to be extremely toxic to someone to the point of abusing them. It must be made absolutely clear that the celebrity being an abuser has nothing to do with her illness, no matter what she says. I know many people that have BPD and they are compassionate, caring, honest and loyal. In fact, I have never come across a toxic BPD person. Yes, it is a personality disorder that affects us in many tragic ways but it does not make us unaware of the difference between right and wrong. Most people with BPD care to much to abuse someone. People that have BPD should not receive even more negativity just because someone who is currently hated by the world has it. My only goal for this blog post is to make people aware of what BPD really is, how it feels to live with it and why people with BPD are not monsters.
The Stigmas We Face.
I know for a fact that people with BPD in my friendship circle and acquaintances that I know suffer greatly from the stigmas around their diagnosed mental illness. It has become known that a lot of people that suffer from BPD do not see the point in reaching out for any type of therapy help. This is because there is a stigma around BPD patients. We are said to be ‘untreatable’ because therapists struggle to understand and help us. This stops thousands of BPD patients from reaching out for help from therapists, let alone daring to get diagnosed with something that will follow them around for the rest of their lives like a cloud of darkness.
Just as if that isn’t enough for us to deal with, we don’t just face stigmas from the professionals, but also from society. The minute someone hears that you have BPD, you are automatically seen as being a ‘master manipulator’ before your personality is even known properly. I have also heard a very hurtful comment that anyone with BPD would find offensive. Which is that we are just ‘overgrown children with behaviour problems’ which just shows to me that unless you have BPD, you really don’t understand it and it's impossible to do so. Unless you are willing to thoroughly research the ins and outs of BPD and what it is like to live with, you know nothing realistically.
The fact that there is a stigma about us being ‘immature’ and having the tendency to ‘misbehave’ comes from our impulsive nature and how easily we lash out when hurt. But because we feel every small emotion so deeply, we say and do things in the moment that are out of our control. Some say we have no ‘self-awareness’ but in reality, we are too aware of what we are doing. Imagine constantly telling yourself ‘don’t say that, it’s wrong. It goes against my morals, don’t do it…’ as you are doing exactly what you shouldn’t be doing and you are aware but cannot stop yourself. Yes, that is BPD at its finest. You have a fear of being alone and being abandoned by everyone you care about but you also find yourself pushing everyone away. It is never your goal, but still it happens. BPD is such a complex mental illness that not many people understand and yet it is usually the people that refuse to understand that find themselves using stigmas about it.
The Hidden Traits of BPD
Unless you have BPD or are really close to someone with it, you may not be aware that there are hidden traits to the disorder that everyone suffers with but nobody talks about…
Extreme Loneliness: This may be an obvious one if you push people away. But it is important to remember that even BPD people that have loads of people around them, a supportive family and great friends, can still feel lonely. You are probably thinking why and how. Well, even if people genuinely care about you deeply, as a BPD sufferer you still feel alone. You have this overwhelming sense that nobody truly cares for you and that they are just pretending out of sympathy. Even if people prove it time and time again, you still have a lurking sense that people are just waiting to leave you or betray you. Because you expect this to be the case with everyone, you feel lonely around everyone.
Unexplained Paranoia: This trait may only be apparent in some BPD patients, but it is still real for a lot of us. This trait is more common if you suffer from anxiety as well as BPD as they can make each other feel worse. The people that suffer from paranoia with BPD always have a sense that people secretly hate them or have a secret vendetta against them. You are constantly waiting for everyone to turn against you. You even get paranoid thinking you may have made your BPD up or got misdiagnosed. That is just an example of how bad the paranoia can get.
Too emotional but also Empty: A lot of people can never understand this one. When I tell someone that I feel absolutely nothing because I’m numb and empty, but then I say in the next sentence that I feel every emotion deeply, they either think it is a slip of the tongue or that I’m a liar that can’t keep their story straight. Both are wrong! It is completely possible to be empty and full of emotions at the same time. Sometimes, I get emotional because I’m so empty. I constantly want to feel ‘normal’ with my emotions but when I don’t, I get myself down.
That is all for part 1! Please check back in a few weeks time for part 2. If you wish to feature your BPD experience in part 2, please leave a comment or contact me directly with our chat button. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave opinions and requests in the comments. I hope this has helped someone out there!
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